I waver between being overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done and just wanting to go. I still occasionally stop and ask myself what the heck I am doing, though. I mean, it’s seriously easy to live here. It’s cheap. It’s convenient. People are nice enough.
But it’s beige.
Since I was a kid I’ve wanted to live a big adventure. For a while my goal was to move to NYC. Because why not make my adventure that of a stereotypical naive Midwesterner? Then it was Europe. Take off with my backpack and see what the lies ahead in the road. But I never did it. I could list a million different “rational” reasons why I didn’t - school, family, job opportunities, etc. The fact of the matter is I didn’t do it because I was scared. Because it’s easy here.
I could easily give up because this process is pretty hard, in some ways. Way harder now than it would have been in my twenties before a mortgage and real responsibilities. Giving up just isn’t an option, especially not if the reason is as ridiculous as because it’s hard. What worth doing isn’t hard? If we go and it doesn’t work out, what will I have to regret? Nothing. If we don’t go and stay here what do I have to regret? Everything.
Chances are, this whole life thing is a one trick pony. One shot. One chance. I don’t want to blow this chance on safe and easy. The good news is, neither does Husband. He’s lived a bit louder than I have and I am not ashamed to admit that he’s been what gave me the courage to really dive into doing this. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have gotten here without him, but I thank my lucky stars I didn’t have to. He’s amazing in every way possible and I know I’m the luckiest chick on the planet to have found him - my perfect compliment. I digress.
We’ve been working on increasing our levels of patience. It is clear this is a trait that, once improved, will help us to our happy place on TCI. Responses are slow. Seriously slow. Sometimes there are no responses. Here I am used to not just less than 24 hour email responses, but responses within the same work day. Phone calls, if even necessary, returned in minutes. Or at least a text/email acknowledgement. Messages to people on the island seem to sometimes get caught in a vortex of the unknown. I keep persevering with patience, kindness, and understanding. Because that’s the kind of life I want to live. Removed from the constant connectivity. Enjoying the people and places around me rather than stressing about my response time. In short, I want to live an actual life. I find myself dramatically less frustrated in these situations now. Just envious.