Lost & Found

When we decided to live an adventurous life, we knew things wouldn't always be easy. We knew we'd face challenges and tough decisions. In January, we faced the toughest decision yet. One day, things were fine. We were humming along, happy in our new routine. The next, the floor fell out.

Things weren't fine.

We'd fallen prey to the siren song that reverberates throughout Maui. Now we had to make the toughest decision of all - do we double down and stay? Do we risk everything and hope? Or, do we go back to the mainland, regroup, and find a way to return that is more long-term sustainable? We chose the latter. Which brings me to today - my first full day back in Indiana. It's a hard day. Maui fully feels like home and I am homesick. Some of that is missing Husband and Miss Monster who will not arrive for another couple weeks. Some of that is fear about what lies ahead. Some of that is having a clear idea about what I want and frustrated that I'm not completely clear about how to attain it.

When we started this journey our goals were somewhat amorphous. We wanted to live in a beautiful place and exist in a different way. Explore new ways of thinking. Challenge ourselves. Maui provided all of that and so, so, so much more. I found people, I found peace. I found an appreciation for those intangible things that are the most important. Now removed from that place where I found all of those things I feel lost.

And motivated. After we settle the necessities - place to live, place to work - and after our family is once again reunited, I have a lot of things on my "to do" list. All of them are found on our path back to Maui. It wasn't adventure we were seeking. It was home. The adventure was what happened along the way. I've pushed myself far beyond my natural boundaries in the past year. I'll be doing a lot more of that in the coming one. I spent a lot of time telling myself and others that I was not a different person because I was in Maui. That's no longer true. I returned to the mainland a much-changed person in many little ways. As sad as I am at the moment, I still have my peace. I still have my ohana. I still have an appreciation for the intangible things in life. I've felt fear and sadness before; I've let it be debilitating. Not this time. This time it goes in the motivation bucket.

I return to the mainland both lost and found - but with a purpose. When I close my eyes, I will see my smiling ohana, the breathtaking West Maui Mountains, the soul replenishing views of Upcountry, and the powerful Pacific beckoning me back. I will not mourn a life left behind, but count the days until I can return to my life beyond boundaries.